Ink drawing of the Lelylaan in Amsterdam.

Lelylaan 1

Second ink drawing of the Lelylaan in Amsterdam

Lelylaan 2

An ink drawing of my Master MX-3 mouse, the thing i love to hold almost as much as my paintbrushes.

My Mouse

This exercise was to copy an ink drawing of an Rembrandt etching. Still working out how to use ink in a clean way at this point.   

Copy of a Rembrandt drawing

Due to covid striking the world, we were bound to be following our classes through Zoom. This ink drawing is of my Liquin bottle. 

Ink drawing Liquin bottle

Ink drawing of my painting gear. Covid struck the world and you had to go with things laying around for a still-life.

My painting gear

Mushroom

Drawing plaster ornament

Soft pastel drawing after another drawing. Forgot wich artist made the original, but will add that later. 

Copy exercise 1

Drawing of the classroom at Wackers, charcoal on paper.

Classroom 1

Charcoal drawing of my travel coffee cup, because the coffee at school is not the best.

Coffee in class

Computer in class

Washed ink on paper drawing of my bag and sneakers, also a covid creation. 

Bag and sneakers

Drawing of jackets hanging during covid times at home. 

Jackets hanging

Two toned painting of a still life at school. 

Still life 1

Two toned painting of a still-life at school. 

Still life 2

A soft-pastel drawing of a plaster ornament. 

Plaster ornament 2

Still life 3

Drawing of a still-life setup we could make ourselves. 

Violin and horn

Charcoal drawing, and playing with the idea to have different perspectives of the same object.

Trompet and hamer

Charcoal and soft-pastel drawing of a plaster ornament.

Plaster ornament 3

Drawing of the closed directors office at school. 

Voyeur

Never ending exercises of drawing stools and boxes in perspective. top it of with a foam half sphere.

Technical exercise

Albrecht Durer copy 2

Copy exercise 3

Copy exercise 4

Belvedere Torso

Copy Egon Schiele

My very first painting. This matrix shows the good, the bad, the self healing and the self destruction and where I want to be. 30X30CM

The Matrix of Life

From dust we came and to dust we return. 50X50CM

The End

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, But when the desire comes, it is a tree of life. 50X50CM

Proverbs 13.12

The smell of a juicy barbeque, the vibrant red of fresh tomatoes and the golden silky taste of olive oil. Mykonos is a lovely island with incredible food, beautiful beaches and a great holiday vibe. This painting is the view from Kastro, one of the most photographed places on this Greek island. 30X24CM

Mykonos

Out of control. No matter how hard we try, we will never be able to steer time. Nevertheless, how we experience time is something we can control. Time can fly by or feel like an eternity based on what we do with it. So use it wisely. Make it count. Because in the end, we just never have enough of it. 30X24CM

Living Fast

Graffiti in Venice

Have you ever been so deep in your own thoughts that you briefly forgot where you were? Were you drifting away somewhere in space? How about actually exploring the universe? Will there be a time that someone will be shot into space so deep that he will never make it back? And what will he encounter in the great unknown? For a moment there, I got lost in my own thoughts. Just a spin of the brain. 24X30CM

Adventure of Exploring

My leftover paint i smear onto a blank canvas, and sometimes surprising things happen. This i one of those. 

Hiding in the shadow

A man got caught stealing bread to feed his starving family. He now awaits judgment as a gladiator, fighting for the masses' entertainment. In the dungeons, the thick iron bars are both safety and imprisonment. And although hopelessness creeps in as the sounds of the crowd grow deafening, he can’t help but think about the bread his family got to eat. It was all worth it, for he will always be remembered as a fighter. 24X30CM

Gladiator

On a warm summer evening a good bottle of wine makes an entrance. Being kept in a dark cellar for many years awaiting this moment to serve its purpose. The wine swirls in the glass releasing all the aromas, building anticipation for that first sip.40X30CM

Wine

This is the sad story of a genie in an oil lamp. Her life consists of fulfilling 3 wishes for the lamp finder, but after using her powers she will slowly vanish into nothing. Her chances are few, as the commodity of riches is only a wish away for her lucky finder. Who would dare to give up on their wildest dreams to save a soul? And so this tale goes: as one man’s riches grow, another’s soul fades into darkness. 60X40CM

Last Chance to Be Free

The battle between heart and mind. The heart wants to go everywhere and the mind can either slow it down or push it along. Being truly in sync is the ultimate goal. The background is Bali, as seen from Nusa Lembongan. The background style is inspired by one of my favorite painters, whom I had the pleasure to meet during one of my trips to Bali. 30X40CM

Who's driving

The book of Revelation holds much imagery about hope, doom scenarios and obscurity. Because of this enigmatic narrative, the imagination can fly out of control when trying to comprehend its true meaning. In this picture, two newlyweds are sitting on the Western Wall of Jerusalem, under a blood moon near two enigmatic trees. These newlyweds represent my view of the two witnesses when all hope is lost.

Two Witnesses

Escaping the Night Watch is one of my most personal pieces because it’s about my struggle to become a better painter. When I started this painting, oil paint was still relatively new to me. While looking at the works of other oil painters I could only focus on the things they did so much better than me. Could my work ever even come close to theirs? So I became very frustrated with my own progress. Painting should come from the heart and it should be a pleasant experience, right? But for painters there is no greatness without frustration. Today I accept and embrace frustration as an intrinsic part of my painting process, though I will always remain that young boy escaping the Night Watch. 80X100CM

Escaping the Night Watch

Some love to surround themselves with as many people as possible while others rather keep all people out of their lives. Everyone has thoughts about the people they meet and some even make a bigger impression than most. It's fascinating how some connections establish themselves, such as the unlikely meeting between an astronaut and a woman sailing the clouds. He returns to Earth with a story she does not fully fathom while she contradicts his understanding of the laws of physics. However, as long as they share a common will to understand each other, they can indulge in the journey of the unknown! 100X80CM

A Million Ways to Meet

Everybody has hopes and dreams but some are more aware of this than others. At the end of the day, all we truly need is food and shelter. Yet some dream of money while others dream of companionship; regardless of our own aspirations, inequality is enforced by manipulated dreams. Somehow most of us have a nagging desire to be better, more successful or richer than our neighbours. But doesn't this craving just cause unnecessary stress, anger or frustration? and if you really think about it, who are the actual beneficiaries in this game? Your move.

In this painting the many poor and the few rich are engaging in a tense game of chess. Hint: Checkmate in 3 moves.
40X50CM

Revolution

In a time before telephones and the Internet, the Queen of Sheba heard stories about the great wisdom of a king far away. One can only imagine how stories traveled from one person to the next, changing ever so slightly with every new messenger. The Queen of Sheba was well aware of this possibility, but her curiosity got the better of her. What if these stories were true? What if the king’s wisdom was truly unparalleled? What then could they achieve together? She decided she had to know and so she embarked on a journey from Ethiopia to Israel with all of her riches packed on the backs of her many camels. However, with every new day in her journey she began to wonder whether she was chasing after a rumour, a whisper. Filled with a growing sense of doubt and before giving away all of her treasures, she came up with a clever way to test the wisdom of this king: he’d have to solve all of her riddles. In the painting you can see her riddles fly in the air as pieces of a puzzle as she moves through the desert; but beware: Ceci n'est pas Salomon. 
 
 
40X50CM

Queen Of Sheba

Finding someone you are comfortable enough with to share your most intimate desires, thoughts and fears is the ultimate dream that many of us pursue. Strangely enough, only a few succeed in their lifelong endeavour. However, dreams are fragile; the smallest event can pop them, like a soap bubble floating out in the open. Dream on your own but be cautious. For dreams grow stronger as strength is in the numbers: together we can dream bigger and accomplish so much more. 40X60CM

Nurturing Dreams

When you look at clouds long enough it's inevitable to start making out some shapes in your mind. The human brain is hard-wired to recognize patterns and to take certain rules for granted. Gravity and human superiority are two of these rules. In this painting however, neither gravity nor human superiority apply. Despite clear traces of humanity, the animals are the ones in control. 80X120CM

Animal Domination in a Borderless World

In life we are measured by what we do, what we have and who we know. Those with success will trust on the soft clouds to catch them when they fall. That is not the fate of the invisible man. The invisible man will fall through those clouds into lands unknown. Who pays attention to the invisible man?

Fall of the Invisible Man

“The Thinker” is a study that reflects on the search for a good composition, inspired by Rodin’s famous Thinker. The roots of the tree draw the eye into the painting and the atmospheric perspective creates depth together with the small reflection on the water. The thinker (or rather the overthinker) is pondering for so long that their body completely deteriorates in search of answers. Before this painting was finished it had already found an interested party, which resulted in the painting staying two-toned and finding a new home. 28X30CM

The Thinker

Nothing is as familiar as your own hand, completely in your control and you know how it works like nobody else on this planet. Some people create with their hands while others use them to go about their daily life. But really studying a hand makes you notice things you never saw before, there is such a rich palette of colour in the skin, there have always been skinfolds you weren't aware of and there is the influence of the ambiance that resonates on it’s reflection. Creating this piece, i got to know my hand so much better. The right amount of attention will do that and on the verge of patience and dedication the smallest nuances become clear. Hope this hand will lead the way from student to master one day.

This painting also found it’s way to a new home already.

The Hand of the Student

Nowadays we are so used to looking at screens that even the aspect ratio of a TV will immediately steer our eyes in its direction. Screens capture our attention and this is extremely valuable; entire companies are built on capturing people’s attention as their business model. Yet what happens outside of our focus window is even more important. We only need to take a step back and look outside. Do you actually know what the aspect ratio of your focus window is?

Caught by the Window to the World

In a time when dreams knew no bounds and the world shimmered with enchantment, the young hearts beat with hope, unburdened by fear. A world so magical, where love and dreams were worn openly like badges of honor. However, the passage of time beckoned them to traverse the path of individualism, a one-way track with little control over its destination.
 
 
In this fast-paced era, the hunger for consumption drove companies to yearn for ever-increasing profits. Long gone were the days of a simpler life, where families shared a single abode and grew food to sustain themselves. Back then, bartering was a way of life, a system based on trust and mutual benefit. Yet, the tides had shifted, and now, each person craved an entire house, a personal car, and a daily feast of meat. The alluring lures of individualism had been masterfully woven by marketing wizards, while rewards in the form of money fueled the relentless exploitation of Earth's precious resources.
 
 
Gone were the days when money symbolized an exchange of fate, a promise of fair reciprocation. Now, it had transformed into an incentive for recklessly depleting the Earth's bounties. The urgent need for sustainability on our increasingly crowded planet demanded a paradigm shift in the very concept of money. The companies, once seen as engines of progress, were now agents of destruction. It was time to make them accountable for their actions, imposing a price on their reckless endeavors that harmed us all.
 
 
But as the saying goes, the clock cannot be turned back. The backward clock of time, stuck and broken, hindered the mending of past mistakes. The consequences of humanity's actions loomed over them like a shadow, reminding them of their responsibilities. Until the day they could mend their ways and fix the clock, they had to bear the weight of their choices and learn from the outcomes.
 
 
The world awaited the emergence of a new era—a time where dreams were not overshadowed by selfish desires, where the pursuit of happiness was in harmony with the well-being of the planet. As the winds of change whispered in the hearts of the young and old alike, hope remained that one day, the lessons of the past would guide humanity toward a future where the magic of togetherness triumphed over the allure of individualism. And so, the journey continued, with the hope that the tale of their generation would be one of redemption and transformation.

The Worlds Invitation to Play the Game of Individualism

In the realm of boundless imagination, where existential questions find solace and reason takes flight, I find myself lost in a landscape of endless possibilities. Like most, my days begin with the rising sun and come to a close as the sun sets on the horizon. Material desires ebb and flow with the tides of consciousness, growing heavier in the wakeful hours and dissipating as slumber claims me. And in the realm of dreams, my mind weaves a tapestry of wonder, processing the events of the day in the most fantastical ways.
 
 
I am a dreamer, perhaps more so than most, prone to getting lost in the labyrinth of my thoughts as I chase the elusive meaning of life. During the day, I overindulge in these reveries, immersing myself in the depths of introspection. As I delve into the mysteries of existence, I feel the weight of materialism corroding, much like a car succumbing to the passage of time in a painting. My physical form, too, undergoes the same gradual deterioration as the days merge seamlessly from sunrise to sunset.
 
 
Yet, amid the dance of light and shadows, I sense a transformation within. The cacophony of overthinking is juxtaposed against the burgeoning voice of my soul, its resonance growing louder with each passing moment. In the vast expanse of imagination, I find a sanctuary where I can seek the essence of life's purpose and meaning.
 
 
As the sun paints the skies with its radiant hues, I strive to decode the secrets that lay concealed within the canvas of existence. With every sunset, a day's worth of pondering breathes new life into my being, rejuvenating my spirit. The cycle of dawn to dusk becomes an enchanting journey, where dreams blend seamlessly with reality.
 
 
And so, I continue to roam through the limitless landscapes of imagination, exploring the uncharted territories of thought. In this eternal quest for understanding, I embrace the perpetual metamorphosis, knowing that every sunset heralds a new dawn, and every dream nurtures the growth of the soul's resounding voice.

The Overthinker

Amidst the vivid strokes of this painting, the artist's dual personas beckon me to a profound contemplation on the interplay between art and the artist, both on and off the stage. I find myself grappling with the question of how we discern art as "wrong" or "right." Does the acclaim of a song by the masses inherently render it "right"? Furthermore, to what extent does an artist's public persona shape our perception of their art? And in the end, are we individually accountable for appreciating a creation despite the character of its creator, and what does this reveal about us?
 
 
My mind drifts to the infamous case of Michael Jackson, whose legacy is entwined with controversy. Knowing what we do now, do we label his music as "wrong"? If we still cherish his songs, what does it say about our emotions and the value we assign to his art? Can we truly disentangle the artist from their art, or is it even necessary to attempt such a separation?
 
 
The contemplative journey continues as I envision embarking on a road trip, the wind caressing my face through open windows, and "Beat It" unexpectedly blaring from the radio. Would I be inclined to turn off the radio out of a sense of moral obligation, aligning with what society deems right? Or would I instead allow the music to stir my soul, singing along with unbridled passion? If I chose the latter, which ethical boundary would I be crossing?
 
 
This introspective exploration of art and morality compels me to ponder the weight of our moral compass when it comes to creative expressions. As we navigate the realm of art, where boundaries blur and perspectives differ, our individual moral frameworks come into play. The appreciation of art and the artist becomes an intricate tapestry woven from personal values and societal norms.
 
 
In the end, there are no easy answers, only a vast expanse of questions and introspection. As I stand before the painting, I find myself immersed in the enigma of art and its connection to the human soul. And in that contemplative moment, I realize that the relationship between art and the artist, and the role of morality in this equation, remains an ever-evolving journey of self-discovery and understanding.

Psychosis of the collective voice

Ben has been my dog since 2010, never did he forget to wag his tail when i entered the house. Ofcourse he has his grumpy moments, but never towards me. The loyalty and positivity of a dog is truly amazing.

Copy of Madonna of the meadow by Bellini. School exercise.  

Copy Madonna of the meadow

Lesson copy Rembrandt self portrait, original size.

Copy Rembrandt self portrait

This painting is my most visceral work. It was born out of anger towards Putin, his war and the devastation we are now used to seeing every day in the news as another daily anecdote. I am usually very calm and controlled when holding a brush but during this painting I had troubles controlling my emotions. It was also very clear to me that we are witnessing an almost cartoon-like personification of evil; a true villain, a bully, an imperialist lunatic; he believes the world can and should be subjected to his will. 
 
 
Perhaps because he’s behind the cold-blooded murder of all passengers in flight MH17 and perhaps because I live in Europe and he has invaded one of our sovereign nations that it is impossible for me to continue doing something that we are all guilty of: looking the other way. Whether it is right or wrong to be affected by certain events more than others it still remains a reality. And my art is my reality. 
 
I am angry. Angry that a dictator in this day and age has become a household name. A name we are used to hearing about every day in the media; another news item, another headline, another celebrity. His name will continue to live on in the pages of history and when one is reading a book it is easy to forget what is behind every page. What lies behind this chapter in 2022? Is Putin today’s protagonist? I am sure he thinks so; his dream of restoring the glory of the Russian empire went from madness to reality one night in February 2022. 
 
 
However, when I look at the pages he is writing in our shared memory as humankind I fail to see his person. I see the people of Ukraine, their resilience, their fear, their desperation, their death and their hope. It reminds me of what I saw growing up in the Netherlands when I learnt about what happened when the Nazis invaded us. I see what I saw when my grandpa told me stories about the Second World War, how we suffered as a nation but also how we fought, how we failed, how we died and how we, in the end, lived on. 
 
 
 
How many times have we wondered about Nazi Germany and asked: how could they let this happen? Why didn’t anyone do anything? I can’t help but ask myself the same question today, every night while I watch the news: how can we let this happen? Why aren’t we doing anything? Before I can come up with an answer I find myself watching a news item about the weather; the poles are melting, our climate is changing and hundreds die because of flooding. There was also a Champions League match last night; wow, what a goal! Almost at minute 90. I check my phone to see the other results but I get distracted by a video of a puppy. He’s so cute; I’m sharing it with my wife and we both smile. It is easy to get lost scrolling through countless videos of puppies, memes and lush holiday pictures. 
 
 
It is, in fact, easier than ever to look the other way. 
 
 
60X80CM

The protagonist

In the realm of a peculiar existence, days followed a pattern that began on the day of birth and vowed to continue until the very end. The boundary of each day materialized at the stroke of midnight, 00:00, shrouded in uncertainty, unsure if it had already traversed into the realm of dreams or still firmly tethered to reality.
 
 
When dreams held sway, the world transformed into a mesmerizing tapestry, where the significance of all witnessed during the day dissolved, seemingly insignificant compared to the wonders of the dreamscapes. In the realm of dreams, imagination reigned supreme, offering access to uncharted dimensions beyond the constraints of wakefulness. A realm so captivating that the dreamer yearned to be forever lost within its embrace, resisting the call of the waking world.
 
 
Yet, as the morning light chased away the night's shadows, a metamorphosis occurred. A few cups of coffee and the soothing cascade of a shower awakened a desire for productivity and a quest to build a tangible reality. The allure of the waking existence grew stronger, its demands insistent, tempting the dreamer to leave behind the mystique of dreams and embrace the perceived reality.
 
 
However, within this juxtaposition of dreams and reality, a moment of hesitation lingered at the state of absolute 0. A questionmark emerged, beckoning introspection on whether the dreamer was allowed, or even willing, to embark on the journey to the magnificent state of dreaming once more. A delicate balance between two worlds, both enticing in their own ways, awaited a decision—an enigmatic crossroad in the voyage of life.

Insomnia

In a world filled with mysteries and unanswered questions, there existed a theory that sought to encompass more than just the realms of mathematics and physics. This theory, known as the Theory of Everything, proposed that there was a grander connection between various aspects of our existence, including psychology.
 
 
Have you ever had a strange feeling that something was wrong, but you couldn't figure out why? Sometimes, that feeling remains a mystery, but other times we later discover that it was our intuition picking up on a problem with a family member or a close friend. It's as if our unconscious mind can sense things that our rational thoughts can't explain.
 
 
So, what's really going on here? Is it just a coincidence when our feelings match up with events, or is there more to it? Some people think our unconscious mind is incredibly quick at making predictions, even faster than we consciously realise. Others wonder if there might be some kind of mysterious connection, like the way particles can be connected in quantum physics.
 
 
Imagine if there were a hidden force, like gravity, that connects all of us as human beings. It's an intriguing idea, suggesting that we're all intertwined in ways we can't see. There are clues to this connection in our shared thoughts and experiences, which seem to exist in the same moment of time.
 
 
As we journey through life, it feels like we're all moving together in the same direction through time, at the same speed. There are some complexities to this, like the way time can stretch and change, but those ideas are still more like science fiction for now.
 
 
All of this leads us to question what time really is. Does the future only exist as something we predict, while the past is just memories? On a tiny scale, like the world of quantum physics, time and space behave differently. Could it be that the past, present, and future are all happening at once, somehow connected and synchronised? And maybe the expansion of the universe, starting from the Big Bang, has a pull on our collective thoughts, drawing us closer to some kind of ultimate destiny?
 
 
These are big questions, and we don't have all the answers yet. But thinking about the connections between everything in our world, the mysteries of time, and the power of human intuition, fills us with wonder. It reminds us that there is so much more to discover about our reality, and it encourages us to keep seeking knowledge. In the vast tapestry of the universe, there is a story waiting to be told—one of curiosity, connection, and the unending quest for understanding.

The Gravitational Force of the End in Eternalism

Dante First Stage of Hell

My interpretation of the Eerste Helmersstraat in Amsterdam on a sunny afternoon. 

Eerste Helmersstraat Amsterdam

Modeldrawing on a dark background. Charcoal background with white softpastel drawing. 

Female Model Dark-light Standing Pose

Background darkened with charcoal, drawing in white softpastel. 

Sitting Female Model

Female Model Turning

Softpastel drawing of the inside of a shed filled with gardening equipment.

Gardening

Charcoal drawing of the classroom on a rainy day. 

Mirror in the Classroom

Moving Male Model

Two toned quick model drawing in softpastel.

Female Model from Back

Leaning Female Model

Pure technical way of looking at the female body of this model standing.

Technical Female Model Pose

Softpastel drawing of the staringstraat in Amsterdam. 

Staringstraat Amsterdam

Softpastel drawing made at the edge of the Vondelpark in Amsterdam. 

The Edge of Vondelpark

In a world where senses guide our perception, we often find ourselves contemplating the nature of existence. Our five senses, touch, hearing, tasting, seeing, and smelling, connect us to the world around us, each tied to a specific organ. Skin, ears, mouth, eyes, and nose—gateways to a sensory journey.
 
 
Consider the sense of sight, for instance. Through our eyes, we capture the dance of photons, and our brain, a translator of the visual symphony, weaves together the tapestry of space within our minds. Yet, time eludes our sight. It is an intangible concept, only hinted at through the rhythm of day and night. We witness fleeting moments of uncertainty and chaos, which somehow find order in our consciousness, perpetually moving forward in alignment with the arrow of time we hold within.
 
 
While belief in a concept is a form of sensory perception for the mind, there is a different realm of sensations that captivates us. A domain that resides closer to the heart—literally and metaphorically. When introspecting, it is the area near the heart that draws our attention, invoking emotions and feelings. Throughout history, hearts have been attributed with profound significance, evident in phrases like "heavy hearts" and "I heart you." It is a sense shared by many. In my younger years, I held the belief that this sense connected me to another person—an unknown presence on the other side of this emotional spectrum. This connection transcended physical boundaries, allowing a mysterious interaction with an individual whose identity remained a tantalizing mystery, forever entwined in the fabric of my imagination. As time went on, this sense evolved, becoming entangled with the tapestry of my own life and the lives of those around me. It revealed the possibility of an intuitive communication—a beautiful thread weaving through the hearts of those within my radar, and perhaps even extending to those beyond.
 
 
Contemplating the nature of our existence, I find solace in the notion that everything is composed of energy and mass, endlessly interchanging on a minuscule scale. As humans, we embody mass and act as complex machines, continuously interacting with the energy that surrounds us. Our bodies possess a remarkable ability to perceive particles, yet the universe, with its enigmatic ways, veils its secrets from us. Why do particles behave differently when observed, compared to when they remain unseen? Does the universe intentionally withhold complete understanding, or is it a cosmic coincidence that we even exist at all?
 
 
Amidst these ponderings, a profound thought emerges—the beauty of energy's eternal journey. Energy, never ceasing, perpetually transitioning into something new, transcending the eventual deterioration of our physical forms. Could this mean that the bonds we forge with our loved ones extend into the infinite eternity, assuming such a concept exists, for it implies the existence of time itself?
 
 
As we navigate this grand tapestry of sensations and contemplations, we embark on an endless quest to unravel the mysteries that surround us. And even though the answers may elude us, the mere act of seeking provides a tapestry of its own—a testament to our insatiable curiosity and the boundless potential of the human spirit.

The Superposition of Existential Entanglement

Male Model Laying pose

Male Model Sitting

Lost in the vivid landscape of my mind, I find myself absentmindedly doodling in a notebook. Thoughts drift like gentle currents, carrying me to unknown lands of imagination. During these moments, the world around me blurs, and I'm in a trance, completely absorbed in the depths of my creativity. 
 
 
Intrigued by the doodle that emerged during my mind's wandering journey, I decided to bring it to life using the medium of soft pastels. With swift and deliberate strokes, the figure came alive on the canvas, capturing the essence of my imagination. The soft, vibrant colors blended seamlessly, and in those moments of creative flow, I felt a deep connection to my artwork, as if it had been born from the very core of my being. The simplicity and spontaneity of the process made soft pastels the perfect medium to breathe life into the captivating figure that had sprung from the depths of my thoughts.

Fluidity of Passing Light

Amidst the intricate tapestry of existence lies a choice, a decision to step into the enigmatic playground of determinism. The universe, an orchestration of fields resonating with diverse energies, is perceivable within a specific spectrum by our intricately designed minds. Yet, the question looms—does determinism's embrace stretch to encompass the human consciousness?
 
 
Determinism, the notion that causality threads the fabric of forthcoming events, implies that randomness finds no haven. Every star, every particle, seemingly choreographed by the hands of inevitability. And yet, within the intricate dance of atoms, can the human consciousness carve its own path? Does our sentience, our self-awareness, afford us a realm of possibility beyond the dictates of cosmic script?
 
 
Harmony arises from determinism's hold, for bottles of water persist and solid ground greets our footfall. But the canvas of creation, the artist's brush poised in hand, presents a different narrative. Within the realms of creativity, uncertainty prevails. Is the final stroke preordained, or does the muse of choice grant us a palette of randomness?
 
 
In this equation, the essence of free will takes center stage. A force that bequeaths responsibility for actions and births the dichotomy of good and bad. But who adjudicates this duality? Do we rely on a shared consciousness or invoke the presence of a divine observer? United by the frequencies our minds synchronize upon, we are players in a shared theatre of spacetime. Yet, uncertainty dances in the air—is spacetime a reality or a masterful simulation? Are our voices, our lives, mere echoes within this grand game?
 
 
Life unfolds as perception, a collage painted by our senses. Do we truly witness the world or are we beholden to interpretations woven by our brain's threads? Curiously, shared experiences bind us together. How, in a realm of individual minds, do we encounter the same wonders? Is it the symphony of resonating frequencies that bridges our minds?
 
 
Beyond the spectrum of senses, a universe beckons—an uncharted dominion where imagination and introspection intertwine. Here lies the cradle of humanity's uniqueness, where the frontier between human and animal blurs. But, what of the boundaries that confine us? Could there be new realms of thought, new planes of existence awaiting our exploration? Do our subconscious minds already whisper to these frequencies, weaving dreams into our reality?
 
 
Imagination, the compass for uncharted territories, and self-awareness, the lantern that guides the way, illuminate our journey. As we step into the playground of determinism, we don't simply conform to the cosmic choreography. Instead, we embrace the mystery, unraveling threads of causality, entwining them with the threads of choice, and in doing so, painting the grand masterpiece of life.

The Decision to Enter the Playground of Determinism

In the vast tapestry of cosmic existence, there exists a concept as enigmatic as it is perplexing—Time. A concept that dances to a different rhythm in the grand symphony of the universe, often asynchronous between the cosmos and the observer. The peculiar delay in perceiving the present moment casts humanity as denizens of the past, for by the time 'now' reaches our awareness, the universe has long since moved on. It's a cosmic tease where the universe is forever one step ahead, a manifestation of the deterministic and symmetrical nature of the cosmos.
 
 
But what is time, this elusive enigma? It is the fulcrum upon which the future transforms into the past, an inexorable march toward the crescendo of entropy. The universe, expanding since the dramatic overture of the Big Bang, appears destined for a grand finale—a "Heat death" where energy diffuses so uniformly that all becomes one. Fortunately, this cosmic curtain call is scheduled eons beyond our earthly sojourn. In the meantime, one can't help but wonder if humanity's penchant for self-destruction might script its own finale well before the universe's grand denouement.
 
 
Contemplating the cosmic ballet, one muses—could the universe's march towards entropy and the river of time be entwined? If so, might altering one's course steer the other? Could there exist a gravitational force, akin to a celestial memory, tugging at the universe's expansiveness, forcing it to return to its initial state? After all, the universe ballooned exponentially in the first fleeting moments after the Big Bang. Over time, its expansion ebbs and flows, sparking fantastical scenarios of cosmic rebirth.
 
 
Could it be that we are hurtling toward a pivotal juncture? A moment when the cosmic embrace, that unseen force that binds galaxies and stars, surpasses the relentless push of expansion? Entropy, on the brink of its inexorable decline, might waver. Could this herald an epoch where time, much like a film reel reversed, rewinds? Millennia from now, life could unfold in reverse, a mirrored reflection of the past, culminating in a grand finale—a silent, cosmic exhalation akin to an ancient television screen flickering into oblivion, a big zap.
 
 
In the cosmic theater where time and entropy waltz, the boundaries of reality blur, and the universe keeps its secrets close. Whether time will ever run in reverse, or if the universe holds the memory of its beginnings in a gravitational embrace, remains a riddle that stirs the imagination of curious souls. As we ponder these cosmic mysteries, we are reminded that our existence, however brief in the grand cosmic tale, is an opportunity to explore the wonders of the universe and to dance with the enigmatic partner that is time.

Existence of a Universal Memory

Study for school, copy of calf's head and ox tongue by Gustave Caillebotte.

Copy calf head and ox tongue

Sitting live model female

In the vast expanse of existence, where the speed of time intertwines with the first letter of creation, human consciousness finds itself akin to a character in a VHS movie. We navigate the script of our lives, comprehending the tangible details but mystified by the enigmatic VHS player that set it all in motion. Our perception of time is tethered to the rhythmic dance of numbers on our clocks, synchronized with the Earth's pirouette around the sun. Yet, this temporal dance is a parochial waltz, confined to the celestial stage of our solar system.
 
 
Amidst cosmic ponderings, a profound question emerges: is time intricately woven into the fabric of the Earth's solar sojourn, or does it transcend, embracing the universe in its entirety? The ebb and flow of causality suggest a universal metric, a cosmic heartbeat that resonates across the vast expanse. Could the expanding cosmos hold the key? Studies unveil a universe stretching its limbs faster than the cosmic speed limit, the speed of light. A tantalizing notion arises—could this expansion birth not only new space but also the elusive entity we call time? Is the speed of the universe's crescendo the tempo at which time itself is composed?
 
 
Human senses, confined by the lenses of perception, confront the cosmos with limitations. Taste, a slow dance of proximity, unfolds gradually in our minds. Sight, the swift messenger, captures the universe's grandeur. Yet, the accelerated expansion leaves us with a cosmic enigma, events transpiring beyond the frontiers of our understanding.
 
 
As the cosmic ballet unfolds, the question of time's constancy becomes an enigma, leaving us to ponder the nature of our perception. In our present epoch, the speed of time is our norm, an unspoken rhythm that dictates the cadence of our lives. A hundred years hence, the landscape of existence may transform, ushering in a subtle metamorphosis in the very essence of time. Imagine a world where the seconds, minutes, and hours no longer march to the familiar beat we now take for granted.
 
 
Human adaptability is a testament to our resilience. Could it be that our perception of time is inherently elastic, stretching and contracting to accommodate the fluctuations in its own rhythm? The speed of time, once an assumed constant, becomes a malleable force in the hands of the cosmic orchestrator. The chronicles of the past may be etched in a different time signature, yet we, prisoners of our moment, would be none the wiser. Our gaze fixed firmly on the present, the changing tempo of time might elude our notice, hidden in the folds of our collective consciousness.
 
 
As we traverse the ever-evolving narrative of existence, the enigma of time's mutability invites us to question the very foundations of our reality. Will the speed of time, a silent maestro, continue to conduct the symphony of our lives, orchestrating its undulating cadence beyond our conscious awareness? Only complete understanding will reveal whether the tempo of time remains a steadfast companion or an elusive phantom, dancing just beyond the reach of our perception. Will the mysteries of the VHS player, the orchestrator of our cosmic narrative, ever unveil themselves to the inquisitive minds of humanity?As we gaze into the cosmic abyss, the quest for understanding persists—a journey propelled not only by curiosity but also by the profound yearning to decipher the universal symphony that binds us to the very essence of time.

The Speed of Time and the First Letter of Creation

In the hallowed halls of the Pinacoteca di Brera in Milan, I found myself captivated by the brushstrokes of centuries past. The Renaissance section, while not my usual preference, drew me in with its timeless allure. Amidst the works of renowned masters, a name unfamiliar to my ears beckoned me - Carlo Crivelli. His painting, the Camerino Triptych (Triptych of Saint Domenico), spoke to me in a language of art I had never encountered before.
 
 
As I scrutinized the canvas, Crivelli's enchanting mastery seemed to transcend the boundaries of time. It was a conversation between artist and observer, an experience that lingered long after my departure from the museum. The year 1482 marked the birth of this masterpiece, and yet, here I was, a modern-day admirer ensnared by its charm.
 
 
Intrigued by this unexpected connection, I delved into the world of Carlo Crivelli upon returning home. Three other works emerged from the shadows, each revealing the artist's distinctive touch: The Annunciation, with Saint Emidius; The Vision of the Blessed Gabriele; and Lenti Madonna.
 
 
A particular revelation emerged in The Vision of the Blessed Gabriele – an ingenious trick that reached across time. Fruits, suspended at the painting's zenith, cast shadows upon the celestial backdrop, blurring the lines between Crivelli's world and mine. The deliberate choice to create illusions that extended beyond the canvas captivated me, a timeless ploy that resonated just as profoundly today as it did in 1491.
 
 
My investigation into Crivelli's oeuvre uncovered not only artistic brilliance but also glimpses of the man himself. The Vision of the Blessed Gabriele exposed a playful rebel in Crivelli, pushing the boundaries of artistic conventions with a touch of humor. It was as if the artist's personality echoed through the ages, inviting me to join him on a journey where creativity knew no bounds.
 
 
Inspired by the enduring magic of Crivelli's message, I embarked on my own artistic venture, fully aware that I could never match the brilliance of the master. Yet, the notion that an artist's essence could withstand the relentless march of time fueled my creativity. In the hands of Carlo Crivelli, art became a timeless conversation that echoed through the centuries, inviting us to traverse the realms of imagination and revel in the enduring power of human expression.

My painting gear

Ink on paper || 2021

A4

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